Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ~ Philippians 4:6-7

Photo By: Ryley Konechny

So, welcome to the first official post on this segment. On today's topic, I am going to be reflecting on my journey thus far in University. Around late April, I officially ended my second year of University, and let me tell you, I have learnt more about myself in the past three years than I have my entire life. I say the past three years, because I feel as though that is when I began to mature from being a teenage girl into a woman. The journey to maturity is not an easy journey! There are so many challenges and during the tough times, I would ask God why? Why does it seem that every time I am "walking on sunshine," a knife gets thrown at me and I find myself on the floor again? I saw it as taking one step forward and then several steps back and for someone who loves progress, let me tell you it was my biggest frustration. 

There are many lessons that I feel as individuals that we have to learn on our own and becoming a University student definitely taught me a majority of those lessons. One of those lessons is based on grades. You know when you are so used to a certain norm, that when something completely different is presented to you, you become confused? I came into University, being an A student. I was so used to excelling in all my classes, that when my results reflected otherwise, I became frustrated. So in solution, I worked harder, stayed up late, became a living breathing hermit. Any free time was invested in school, and anything else had to wait. I studied harder, memorized a great percentage of my class notes, did everything that should give me back my norm, but due to my own impending thoughts of failure, I went into my exams scared. For someone who never experienced anxiety or fear, I embraced it, it became my norm.

As months went by, I struggled, every amazing grade was also accompanied by ones that weren't in my opinion up to par. I kept telling myself, "you are better than this grade, just because you are not where you are used to being, doesn't mean you aren't intelligent or that you future still isn't bright, it’s just one grade." Unfortunately, those words fell on deaf ears. I would hear people tell me the same, and to an extent, I would be saying, 'you know this Idy, you believe this Idy, so why don't you show it in your actions'?

I would love to tell you that suddenly everything changed and I got my norm back, rather the exact opposite happened. So in turn, I decided to emulate people around me who seemed to be excelling in school. I thought to myself that if they were succeeding in school, then they possibly had the secret ingredient that I was missing to perfect my formula for success in school. So as best as I could, I followed their study habits, and there was some improvement, but that improvement came with more stress, more hours in school, less sleep, and the simple joys of life I unconsciously gave up. I would leave my house early in the morning and not return until late hours and the cycle was repeated the next day. 

Around March, my frustration grew significantly, so in solution I stopped torturing myself. My thoughts turned from, "what can I do to fix this?" to "what's the point?" Finals drove by and left just as quickly with the same mind set. Don't get me wrong, I studied, boy did I study, but at the same time, that fire burning passion for excellence was dimmed. I worked hard, but even I could tell I wasn't giving it 100%, at most 85%. I ended my second year of University with relief and questions. Apart from school, different aspects of my life were going astray, piling up to a list of things that I wasn't happy about.

On May 4, I began spring class on one of my least favorite subject, Physics. For all of you Physics lovers, I wish I could say that I felt the same way about the subject, but I don't. Around this time, my anxiety for exams was on an all-time high. Not only did I go into my Physics midterm scared, but at this point I was questioning everything about myself including my intelligence. If there was one thing I was confident in, it was my intelligence, but I started asking myself if I was even smart enough to enter medicine. 

Last weekend, I finally found my secret ingredient, my secret to success. Some would call it an epiphany, I call it perfect timing. Trust, not trust in myself, but trust in God. See, I can study, work hard, live, breathe my textbooks, but if I didn't leave the rest to God, I will always be stuck. In other to succeed, I believe that it isn't a journey that one can do alone and feel fulfilled. The truth is that you need God's favor and the same time you need to trust that He's here to help. Being the controlling person I am, when it comes to my future, I many times forget that I need to trust God in my life. "I decided to plant my mustard seed faith and water it with trust." This is probably one of the hardest things I have had to do this past weekend. I recently had my final exam this past weekend, and on the morning of my exam, I had to give myself a pep talk. My siblings probably thought I was crazy because all they heard from my room is, "You are intelligent, you have prepared as best as you could, there should be no reason why you aren't going to excel, I receive 100% in the exam in Jesus name, and by the way, you look good today!" I was calm, for the first time in months, there was no anxiety, but I wrote the exam and left the exam hall with a smile on my face."

So if you are like me and are struggling with school and has tried every possible solution, I would suggest two things:

1. No matter how bad your grades are, be honest with yourself and make sure you are putting in adequate hours to school, check your studying habits and find ways to improve it.

2. If you have done everything that is humanly possible, tilt your head back and give it to God.

This is probably one of the hardest things I'm currently trying to making a habit of. I never realized how hard it was for me to relinquish control, but I will always remember May 27, 2016 with a smile on my face. If you have managed to read to the end of this post congrats and thank you! Please don't forget to comment and let me know about your experiences thus far in school!

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. ~Joshua 1:9

Until next time,