"You're familiar with the old written law, 'Love your friend,' and its unwritten companion, 'Hate your enemy.' I'm challenging that. I'm telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worse." ~Matthew 5: 44~

The hardest thing to do is say I'm sorry, but the easiest is to stay angry, but it is also the miserable option. The energy you invest into your anger, rehearsing all the ways people have wrong you and how you are right and they are wrong, drains you. It takes away your joy and replaces it with sadness. Because you are so focused on trying to get people to see it from your perspective, that you can't think, eat, sleep or let go of your pride. Pride-the downfall of human nature. It is pride that makes us feel that people have to give us respect before we reciprocate. It is pride that causes there to be such a boiling up of anger when you have been insulted. It is that pride that tells you that forgiving someone or apologizing first makes you weak, powerless and dirt underneath your opponent's foot. It's pride that makes you feel that you have to continually one up people, stay right, stay cool.

Jesus took the most beating out of anyone written in history. He was beaten, kicked, spit on, nailed to the cross, insulted, disgraced, stripped of the very thing that made him human, and HE WAS THE SON OF GOD. He had power. Power that could wipe off humanity by breathing. Power beyond our knowledge or vision, yet instead of retaliating, he chose to die for those that mocked him. Instead of fighting back and saying, "how dare they" he gave up his life. He didn't fight, but he surrendered his life, willing. Willing. He said no to pride. It amazes me that up till this day, we can never fully comprehend what it means when it says, "this is perfect love."

I can't imagine what it is like to watch us humans everyday. When we continually fall for our weaknesses. When we invest so much energy in things that will take us nowhere. Things that instead of building us up, it tears us down, and pollutes what is left. That to me is the definition of death, when you are stuck with nothing else but your pride that would eventually be your downfall. Let go of pride, if you think people have gone too far, no it's not as nearly as far as people went with Jesus. It's not worth your anger, tears, frustration, hurt, and it's definitely not worth you losing sight of your purpose. Rather extend grace. It's just the flesh. So say I'm sorry, say it and move forward. Let it go properly, for if you let it boil in your heart, it will ruin your witness. Maybe I'm cheesy for saying this, but the ones who are able to apologize first, regardless if they are wrong or have been wronged, are the ones who God honors.

I still remember the day I wrote this post. Some call it a moment of inspiration, or an ending to "writer's block", I call it my release. See when I wrote this blog post, I was anything BUT calm, in fact I was angry. That red-hot-can't-think-straight-I-could-kill-someone-right-now kind of anger. I was boiling in it. There are couple of things I do when I'm angry. I either take a walk with loud music, lock myself in a room with music, vent to myself, or go completely silent, so it came as a surprise to me that instead of picking option a, b, c, or d, I chose to write. Y'all do not want to see the rough draft of this post. I wrote this in pure rage, but it came out to be something different. Reading this back to myself brought back memories. Memories of getting into fights with my siblings and even though I was so sure that I was the one who deserved an apology, I chose to throw in the towel instead because conflict made me uncomfortable. 

As I got older, the words "I'm sorry" became my second language. It didn't matter if I was wrong or not, all I did was apologize. I'm sorry for looking at you funny, I'm sorry I didn't respond the way you would want me to, I’m sorry that I was too honest with you, I'm sorry I'm too strange for you to understand,  I'm so sorry. I said "I'm sorry" so much that most of the time, I didn't have to think about if I was actually sorry or not because I loved peace way too much to give it up for 7 letters. 

Please do not misunderstand me, like I said I am not a saint, nor do I claim to be one.  I was tired of carrying the burden of apologizing first, for once in this situation, I wanted to be child while the other was the one to "rise above" but while I was in search of my justice, the resolution to my conflict came like Miley Cyrus once put it, a wrecking ball. I was seeking for justice for the pain that was inflicted on me, but instead I acquired wisdom to realize that it wasn't my job. If we all took it upon ourselves to punish those that we feel hurt us, what about those that feel that we have wronged them? And what if they were right? The grace that you would want in that situation, is the exact same grace that should be extended by you. I entered this year with one resolution, I welcomed every challenge that I knew I was going to face in the hopes that it would build character and I think it just did.

~If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal?"~ Matthew 5:47~

Until next time,