#20
The potential that exists within us is limitless, and largely untapped.
~Robert J. Kriegel and Louis Patler~
Photos By: Ridwan
Dear Idy,
Wow, you have come a long way. From being that shy, insecure and quiet child who knew nothing of but flaws about herself to now. The words "goody two shoes" was stamped on you as a child and for many years you lived up to that expectation. To always be good. Do your chores on time, make sure everyone did theirs. Tried to always obey, got the good grades, never had the urges to do what was the norm, but stuck to your own comfort.
Yet somehow you wish you were different. For many years, you thought you were a mistake and that there was something wrong with you. Why couldn't you be like the kids in school who always seemed to be having the time of their lives? Why couldn't you be prettier, more talented, smarter, outgoing, unguarded, funny, tougher and a social butterfly? Why did you have to be so quiet? At times awkward, and in the small moments you crawled out of your shell, you came sprinting back in. You grew up in doubt, constantly asking yourself what your purpose was in this world. In youth group you would be asked each time, "who are you?" and each time, that question would be left unanswered.
Am I:
Kind, smart, brilliant, athletic, funny, prophetic, graceful, beautiful, caring, aspiring, adventurous, charismatic, compassionate, courageous, disciplined, brave, ebullient, humble, modest, loyal, patient, reliable, sensitive, venturesome, and strong?
You could never say those things about yourself and truly believed it. You always said it to give an answer to your youth leaders, but inside you would always ask, "are you really?" You sought after people's approval, and if there was the slightest indication they didn't approved, you backed down. For many years, you took blame for things, just to make others happy, just to keep the peace. After all, if everyone else was happy, that's all that mattered. You wanted so desperately to be happy and for so many years you watched people through social media portray their happiness.
Sometime this year, a friend of mine asked me, "what makes you happy?" and for several minutes, I couldn't answer. When we ended the conversation and I was sitting on my own, I remember asking myself, what does make you happy? See there are temporary things that make me happy, like when someone cracks a really good joke, good grades, exercising, reading, travelling, or time with friends. But what was that one thing that regardless of what my life situation was, could always put a smile on my face?
20
Now you are 20 and you are happy. Thinking about it now, I wonder what changed. After many years of battling yourself you are finally in a place where you are happy. I finally found where I belong. With no one else but God. After you met Him in 2014, you couldn't let go. It was not rainbows and sunshine, in fact far from it. There were days you refused to get out of bed because facing the world that day was unbearable.
Now you are 20 and you are:
1. Happy
2 Blessed
3. Purposeful
4. Determined
5. In the ultimate potter's wheel willing to be molded into the woman you are created to be
6. Beautiful
7. Humble
8. Working on Patience
9. Driven
10. Brave and strong
11. Empathetic
12. Aspiring
Can I tell you one more thing? I couldn't be more proud of you! No one will ever understand how far you have come, but I was with you in this journey, from your very first breath. I will continue to be with you. The road ahead is steep and you will broken many times, but never forget that you are not alone and you never will be. So cheers to 20! I cannot wait to see where your journey leads you!
Until next time,
