Breath of Medley #25: Grateful

If I can capture the essence of my gratitude in a melody, May I never stop singing the song that transcribes it. If the words “thank you” were enough to translate the depth of my appreciation for you, may I never stop saying it. I enter this new year with nothing but that. Gratitude. ~Idy

Photos by: Ivy M. — **Photos by**: Ivy M.

I do not think I will ever be able to capture accurately our journey with words. There were times in this journey where I was speechless, literally. Being someone who was once with few words, it was comforting. I still remember the times when I found myself in spaces that felt like a mirage. Convinced that what I experienced was an illusion that disappeared once you came close, yet my reflection told a different story.

It told a story of a girl overflowing with curiosity. Who only appreciated her importance based on what she could produce. Who refuted any possibility that the narrative she told herself was a lie. Now in a space where her identity is reintroduced through the hands of her creator, she wonders how a lie became the truth. How this lie was potent enough to poison any resemblance of truth. How it convinced her that dysfunction should be celebrated rather than confronted. Was it a singular experience? Was it a phrase that she meditated on too long that it migrated to the foundation of who she was and although it didn’t replace the building blocks, it disturbed it.

I wonder how many lies we allow to become truths daily. “You are not pretty, intelligent, funny, or innovative enough.” Constantly consumed by feelings of inadequacy. Projecting confidence, or sometimes over-confidence, yet living mentally in the nightmare that our greatest enemy creates, ourselves. I wonder when the words, “you are enough” would not just flow as easily as the melody of a song or an inspirational phrase, but it would become a fact not fiction. Or even more so, a fact that transcends our way of thinking.

Truth be told I am still working my way to that.

I am still learning to love the person I am regardless of how uncomfortable it makes others.
I am still learning that having boundaries gives me freedom.
I am still learning that a closed door is not the end of a story but the beginning of a better one.
I am still learning that being the only one with certain convictions in a room, does not mean you should change it to avoid standing alone.
Sometimes, standing alone is preparation. Preparation to do more than your imaginative limitations.
Preparation to remember that being labeled “strong” does not excuse vulnerability, rather, vulnerability commands strength.
Courage is not found in the impregnability of your armor, rather, being courageous is daring to show your humanity.
I am still learning that even when fear is a passenger, trust and faith should be the driver and navigator, respectively.
I am still learning to pray without ceasing. To practice crazy, “delusional” faith.

Jesus, I am grateful that you loved me first.

Whom I am or becoming, who they see, is a testimony of your relentless pursuit of me.

My gratitude is overwhelming because you wiped away my tears daily. Whether I cried out of desperation, frustration, or loneliness, you sat with me.

As a child who called herself nothing but a mistake, you welcomed her home and re-introduced her to the masterpiece you created her to be.

To any that is reading this, hear me when I say, seek Him first. By Him, I am referring to Jesus. He is like the warm blanket that washes away any goosebumps. He is like sweet water on a hot summer day. He is like the missing treasure you seek without knowing. Yet, locating it fits all missing pieces. He is my savior and my friend. A deliverer with boundless, all-consuming, overwhelming, unconditional love.

Be intentional about your journey. Do not live with no consideration of the impact/effect you may have on someone.

So, cheers to 25! Thank you from the bottom of my heart to all those who made it special. May God bless you generously!

Until next time,