#27
Hi. It’s been more than a minute since I’ve been on this platform. Life lately has been “full on” as the Aussies would say and while I am grateful for all my experiences this year, what I am currently learning to do is to breathe.
It is always a constant debate in my mind, about how transparent I can be on this platform. Although the whole point of this portion of my blog is to share without filters, I admit I struggle with the inherent worry of how my transparency is understood, received, and judged. Even now sitting behind my screen typing these words, I can feel my pulse rising, my breathing quickening, and my nerves heightening, no matter, I press.
I wrote a journal entry in the second month of this year over the course of 5 days. It was written while I was in an anxious driven state of mind. Without realizing it, the previous day’s journal entry became the continuation of the next day’s present thought. I stumbled upon it two months ago while in a state of disappointment, and grief, and I found myself encouraged. Whether you are a Christian or don’t believe in God, I pray that my words will bless and encourage you as well.
Feburary 18th - 23rd, 2023
I’ve been trying to solve this equation, what is the key to faith? Beyond the religious statements about faith, what is the key? What causes individuals in the depth of their despair to say, “I have faith in God.” What provokes the utterance of trust in God, in a situation that is perceived as impossible?
What caused Job to refuse to dishonor God, after he lost everything, and those closest to him turned against him; including his wife? What was planted in King David’s mind, that caused him to say, “Put your hope in God, for I will, (shall, still), praise Him,” (Ps. 42: 5b)? This statement was made after he described the depths of his despair in vs. 2-4, “My tears have been my food day and night, while people say to me all day long, “where is your God?”’ The words in vs 5 speaks of confidence, no, not confidence, but the understanding of God’s promise to him.
Put in another way, it tells me amid his full expression of grief, his perspective shifted to who God is, and more importantly, what God promised him. This wasn’t because he had a revelation of when, how, or where the battle would be won, but He was certain that regardless of the mechanism God used, victory is the promise waiting to be received. So why not praise? If you knew the end of your story was victorious, would you be afraid, discouraged, or spend time worrying about the events that occur in the middle?
Sounds simple right? I wonder if it’s the lack of perspective that is the killer of hope. To be fair, it’s hard to have hope, trust, or faith in someone you don’t see. It is especially difficult when your current experiences continually assault your mind with discouragement. When disappointment, pain, or struggle seems to be the soundtrack of each month. Perhaps that’s why God is pedantic, and repetitive when He constantly liters all throughout Scripture that He’ll never leave us or forsake us. Of course, it is easier to say it than it is to believe it or to make that the confession of your mouth.
So what do we do with discouragement? When our expectations are met with disappointments? What do we do when this provokes disbelief, mistrust, and grief? When it well and truly shakes our faith? How do we still praise in the middle? How do I receive a David-like revelation and understanding?
“But God is not finished: He’s waiting around to be gracious to you. He’s gathering strength to show mercy to you. God takes the time to do everything right. Those who wait around for Him are the lucky ones.” ~Isaiah 30:18
Perhaps the key to faith is awareness. I like how Isaiah starts by saying, “But God’s not finished.” It’s like that line from a movie I can’t remember that says, “But wait, there’s more.” I’ve been really working on the confession of my mouth, for I feel as though it also affects my faith; for it is out of the abundance of the heart, that the mouth speaks (Matthew 12:34). So perhaps the first step is to fill my heart with belief. The funny thing is that in most situations I face, somewhere in my spirit, I am confident that it’ll work out; not always the way I imagined, but in hindsight, better. I can rely on my experiences with God for that. It brings me to the conclusion that perspective matters. Two people can be looking at the same scenario and see two different endings.
I think another key to faith, is not just awareness, but intentionality. I’ve reached a stage in my life, where I no longer seek for inspiration but rather, yearn for understanding. For it’s not what you hear that changes your life, it’s what you understand based on what you hear. Furthermore, effective change is only really achieved when it is intentionally practiced, where it is the most applicable. It is easier to trust when there is no collateral, it’s harder, and yet, more potent to trust when everything is on the line.
Pay attention to the condition of your mind and keep it free, peaceful, and full of faith.
That’s it. This is what I am currently learning, and working on. It’s easier said than done, but I truly believe you lose nothing by trusting God. In the midst of all my disappointments, unexpected goodbyes, and new challenges, I will learn to trust Him because written clearly in the tapestry of my life, is a story of how faithful He has been to me.
Until next time,
